The ABCs of Me

A: is for Attitude

Because I have one. A large one. On days that it's particularly bad in a smartass kind of way, one of my managers will shake his head and say, "So it's one of those days is it?" and then rebuffs the 'tude with strenuous coaching that allows me to get the smart-aleck out of my system before I hit the floor.

It's like he knows me or something. 


Mom, no lecturing me for being a smart-aleck. I'm pretty sure it's genetic.


B: is for Broccoli

Because I love it. And adore it. Wes Chesbro (you know, one of the politicians in California? His wife used to run a daycare that I went to when I was little) once told me that they were miniature trees. I think I've been addicted ever since. My favorite is broccoli with the "blue box" mac 'n' cheese. Fake, neon orange cheese has never tasted so good.

C: is for Caring

As a friend, I will always love you. No matter what. I will be there for you when you need me, even if you're not there for me. The only thing that would make me walk away is if you take that caring and throw it in my face.

D: is for Designer

It is my first love and my last love.  I will design and do art for the rest of my life.

E: is for Evil Genius

I am not an evil genius. Though it is something to aspire to, but only in the best way possible. In the sense of my love for surprises, I want to be an evil genius. I adore surprising people in a good way. Thinking up the surprise is even better than chocolate.


A couple years ago, two friends and I conspired for our other friend's birthday. We kidnapped her from her work — conspired with her co-workers even to keep her there when we were running late — and treated her to a beauty evening, made her up and gave her a dress and shoes and took her out for drinks. Unfortunately, she ruined the evening later at her party by throwing a tantrum (rather sad as it was her 25th birthday and "It's my birthday and I can cry if I want to" is only cute when you're six).

Last summer, I conspired with my sister to surprise our mother with a visit. I picked her up at the airport in San Fransisco on the way home from a road trip for a friend's wedding and took her home. We knocked on the front door (which no one ever does, really) so when Mom opened the door she was super confused to see us and didn't register immediately that it was my sister home from New York to see her for a whole week. That was probably one of the best presents we've ever given her.


F: is for Friendship

Without my girlfriends (and guyfriends) I would be lost. I just re-lived the whole "new town, no friends" situation for the 3rd time in my life and I must say, it's not a favorite of mine. I desperately miss my friends in SLO (that's you, Siobhan...well, not just you, but hey! Shout out!) and now my Heather is in Portland and that's sad too. But I'm making new friends here in Bend. Like Staci and our neighbors and Staci's boyfriend who is now my State Farm Agent because apparently Geico sucks.

Just saying.

And yes, I did mean to say "my Heather." Well, I didn't at first, but at re-read I liked the look of it, so I left it. 

G: is for Goodie Goodie

I used to get taunted with that moniker in middle school. The only thing that's changed since then is I've learned that dying my hair is the bee's knees and I've got ink'd. I'm still a goodie goodie to the bone though. I don't do stuff that's too bad. Like text while driving. Or jay walk.

Okay, maybe I jay walk a little.

H: is for Hot Stuff

Because let's face it, I am.

I: is for Ice Cream

I don't like buying ice cream for one reason: I love eating it. Doesn't even really matter if I don't like that particular flavor all that much, I'll still manage to choke it down. It's problematic.

J: is for Jubilant

I'm bubbly when I wanna be, damn it. No, really. I tend to be bubbly and obnoxiously sunshiney when I'm happy. Which definitely isn't as often as I would really truly like, but it's a good thing right?

I'm also obnoxious in the morning. I have to have a book to read in order to not be. Or just get up and do stuff. Maybe O should be for obnoxious.

K: is for Kristen

Oh, come on. I had to.

L: is for Little Sister

"The most important thing about Kristen is that she has a little sister named Laurel." I once wrote those words for a school project. They're true. My sister is awesome. She is rockin' and super smart, beautiful and has just as much 'tude as I've got. We had some shaky years growing up, but we've finally reached the maturity to be friends again and I am super lucky to have her as my sister...even if at one time I wished we could just put her back.

M: is for Maddie-Cat


Our little Terrorist and ever-popular with guests, she's invaded my life as thoroughly as any other animal has. We have conversations, she tattles on Tyler, and encourages general mayhem. I don't know what we talked about before we got her.

N: is for Noodles

I love noodles. And basically I couldn't think of something else for N. All that would come up was Noodles! But I do eat them often. My other staple is bean and cheese burritos.

O: is for Overshare

If you don't really want to know the answer, don't ask me. Unless we don't know each other that well, I won't even give you the warning shot. If you ask, I will probably tell you. I don't see the point in beating around the bush if you legitimately want to know.

And sometimes I just share without you asking.

P: is for Princess

Because I am one. We know this already. Enough said.

Q: is for Queen

"If they just let me wear the control-the-world helmet all the time, we would just be better off," are words that have dropped from my lips from time to time. My dear friend Robert has said time and time again that I need a shirt that says that. Things just go better that way.

R: is for Running

I love to run. I really do. Once I get my butt out the door and get moving, I love the rhythm, the peace of it and the results most of all!

S: is for Sunshine

I could never permanently live in a place that has sunshine less than half the year. I don't care if it's freezing or sweltering, just so long as I can see the sun shining in a bright blue sky.  My mental health is important to me (obviously) and I have learned that I require sunshine.

T: is for Time

I never have enough. I want more for love, laughter and peace of mind. I want more time to spend with the people who mean the most to me. But as we know, right now I have to make my bricks so that I have that time and money later.

U: is for Unwritten

My life is full of things I've written, I'm just waiting for those things that I will write and I hope that someday I have a book published.

V: is for Virtues

As in: patience is not one of them. Boyfriend will attest that I am much happier if I am in the driver's seat. That being said, I do have many other virtues.

Loyalty, honesty, organization. You know, the works.

W: is for Wine

I love wine. It is delicious and fantastic and it makes me tingly and silly.

X: is for eXtreme

Did you know that nothing adjectivial (it's not a real word, I am aware) begins with X? We're going with eXtreme. Because in one sense, I am. At least...I'm told I can be.

Ultimate frisbee is my one "extreme" (that I'll cop to, anyhow). I've recently been told that when talking about it I act and sound "extreme." I am, I suppose. How many people can say that they caught the disc and concussed themselves, but still got up and finished the point in spite of the world spinning?

Yes, I suppose I'm extreme.

Y: is for Yuck

There's a lot of stuff I'm willing to try. Squid, tongue, oysters, kale, cauliflower...I intend to try frogs' legs and snails before I die. I'll never say no to a "no thank you" bite. That being said, I still manage to be the world's pickiest eater (according to everyone who's ever had to go grocery shopping with me).

Peanut Butter? Nope.

Bell peppers? No thanks.

Pork chops? Uh, no.

Nuts? No way.

Bread crumbs for breading stuff? Ick.

Canned vegetables? I'm sorry, that's just not food.


Z: is for Zucchini

Why can't I get it to grow?

I bet you didn't know

I bet you didn't know that my boyfriend loves stickers. Loves them. Adores them. With the fascination of a six year old filling sticker books. Only instead of filling books he saves them. Hoards them.

He has a manila envelope labeled "STICKERS."

And even better: he puts them on things. When the stickers come out, I feel like I have to be on guard and not stay still too long or else I'll be stickered. His brand new Wii has been be-stickered. Already.

My hairbrush, my deodorant, my retainer box, our remote, the underside of the coffee table, our tape dispenser, his water bottle, my water bottle, his ski tub, his truck. He tried to sticker my snowboard this winter. I very nearly killed him. Only my squalling as he hovered, sticker in hand, over the pristine surface of my beautiful board stopped him. He looked at me with an innocent expression.

"What?" he asked.

"That's my snowboard," I wailed.

"I know," he agreed. "It needs a sticker."

I'm still afraid to leave him alone with it.

The Terrorist

This is going to be a story about the fuzzy, striped terrorist who has invaded our hearts and lives. I only wish I had pictures of these antics to share with you.

Yesterday she ran into a wall. Not grazed, ran into. She was chasing my feet in some bizarre game of her own that I wasn't playing - I was just walking along, minding my own business - and as I left the room, she missed the doorway. How embarrassing.

Last night, she and I played her favorite game. Keep in mind, i was sleeping (or rather, trying to) at the time. It's called "are you sure you don't want to pet me? Because I think you do" and it involves pushing her way under my sleeping arms and hands and loooooooving my chin with her cold wet nose, and streeeeeeeetching out her paws into my nostrils, eyes and mouth claws (mercifully clipped and blunt because of these tendencies) fully extended. Oh, and did I mention she also purrs like my family's old Toyota Corolla when the muffler fell off? Loudly. Insistently. In your face.

She goes ballistic over socks. They're better than the myriad of toys she now owns. She prefers them balled so she can get s good grip with forepaws and teeth and still get some good kicking in, but she's not terribly picky. Boyfriend's smelly, dirty socks that have only minutes before been removed from his man feet work just as well. She even cleaned them a bit for him. You know, like cats do. With her tongue. Yeeergh.

It's a good thing she's such an adorable weirdo.

Coming Home

I'm coming home, coming home, tell the world that I'm coming home.

Not that I'm excited or anything. I'm ready for a break. I need a break. Sooooo bad. I had a psychotherapist customer the other day (she therapizes dreams) and we had a discussion about what my dreaming about selling phones meant.

"Your subconscious is calling you and you're trying to get rid of it by selling it. What do you suppose it's calling you about?" she asked.

I made a flippant remark of course, because no one really likes being therapist-ed in their place of business, but it got me thinking. It's saying I need a break, and I'm refusing to listen.

Yesterday, the ill-fated Friday the 13th, wasn't quite so bad as all that (I actually had a decent day numbers wise) except for one event right before I went to lunch. I had a guy return a phone.

Except I hadn't known he had returned the phone because the person who returned it didn't give me the courtesy heads-up. It's by no means a requirement, but it's just the right thing to do and we all do it. Unless of course you don't return the favor. So I wasn't able to ask him, "Hey, what's up? You spent an hour yesterday deciding this was the right phone for you, what's the deal?" and we could have avoided the whole situation.

Because what that other rep didn't know that I knew, was that his original phone had a blown speaker, so there had to be a hinky reason if he "just wanted to go back to his Blackberry."

And then the guy was back to re-buy the phone. He had received bad information from an asshat who had no business giving out that information in the first place. *Hand to face* The problem with re-purchasing the phone was that the gentleman in question had used an "early upgrade" and if you return the device you used the early upgrade for and don't just exchange it for something else, that early upgrade goes away and you have to wait until your actual upgrade date.

Sound confusing?

Don't worry, it is.

Bottom line was that what should have been a nice guy enjoying a nice 16GB white iPhone turned into a 3-ring circus where I lost a sale, got hit on my return ratio, he had to be on the phone for an hour with customer care to get his upgrade back, he ate $55, and I still ended up selling that nice guy an iPhone. Again. But we were out of the white ones. So he had to get a black one.

Oh well.

Just promise me, that if you have Verizon and someone tells you something that sounds too good to be true, run it by me first. Please. Because while I don't know everything, I have the tools to help you find out if it's true or not. And I would love to help you do that.

And sometimes it isn't too good to be true. Usually it is a really really good deal.

But then there's that one time it is.

The moral of the story is that from the bottom of my heart, I want your day to go smoothly. I don't want to see anyone have to deal with what my customer had to deal with yesterday. Part of it was that the right questions weren't asked, but they shouldn't have had to been asked in the first place. There were a number of places where someone should have said, "Hold up, wait a minute..." and it never happened.

I guess what I'm just trying to say is that I work for a fantastic company, but like the rest of the world, we have good days and bad days, smart people and not-so-smart people and you have to give us a little credit for being human — and I don't mind at all if you have a question. I'll do my best to answer it or direct you to someone who can.

Ciao,
kc

Dear Mommy

This post is for you.

1. You are the best mother a girl could ask for.

2. You care if I blog, you call me if I forget.

3. You laugh with me over the horror that are the new Necco Sweethearts (because really, chalk tastes so much better than soap and it's just a travesty that they changed their darned recipe).

4. You get so excited when sister and I come see you.

5. One of my favorite memories is us surprising you with her last summer and you crying with happiness to have us both at once because it was just the best surprise ever. (And we were super super sneaky and proud of ourselves that we had managed to surprise you, because somehow, you know everything...often even before we know it ourselves.)

6. (That's a mommy trick isn't it? Knowing everything?)

7. I love the way you sing pop songs as if you listen to them all the time. ("So what/I'm still a rock star/I've got my rock moves...")

8. I love that because of you, I've started making lasagna to take with me when I visit people who don't cook or I prepare it ahead of time when I'm gone for the weekend so that when I get back I don't have to cook.

9. Because of you, lasagna is inevitable.

10. I love that you have made me (in part, 'cause Dad helped too) the person I am today, because I really like her and I couldn't have done it without you.

11. I love it that I got it from my mama.

12. Happy Mother's Day, Mommy. I'll see you in a week.

Love,
kc

A day of sun

Yesterday was gorgeous. It reminded me of San Luis Obispo with it's deep blue sky, 70+ degree weather and it's ability to sunburn formerly-unsunburnable people like me whom have been in the pale of winter so long that our skin has quite forgotten what the hell tan lines are.

Instead of cleaning the house in preparation for boyfriend's return (he was at a ski patroller conference...yes, they have those...all week) I decided it was too good a day to stay inside and did some spring planting (that in all honesty will probably just freeze in the next week, but It got me outside), read my book in the sun, opened every single window in my house, took a trip to Urgent Care with my dear friends Andy and Sara because Andy enjoyed the sun in the form of a really long run and had an allergic reaction to his protein drink mixed with the abundant, sunshiney pollen and the exhaustion from the heat and his 2 hour run - his eyes swelled nearly shut, puffy whites and all, we made the decision to see the doc than take a walk. And I finished off my day with a bike ride to Pilot Butte (1.5 miles from my house) a run UP Pilot Butte (1 mile up, 1 mile down) and making dinner for boyfriend upon his return.

It's supposed to rain today, which has put a decided damper on my former plans to ski and hike, as the sky is decidedly gloomy and the house still needs to be cleaned...

Ciao,
kc

NWM 10.16.11

I know I've been super super lax, and I apologize because this is going to be super super short, I'm just super super excited because...

I run to be.

AND I'M IN!

The Nike Women's Half is kind of a big deal. There's a lottery to get in. Sexy firemen give out Tiffany necklaces at the end to all the finishers. I'm only a little excited.

Try a LOT!

Ciao,
kc