Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Thank you for carrying me whining and bitching over eight miles today. Even though the first five were actually relatively quiet on that front as you and I were busy trying to figure out the twists and turns of the new route we were trying and marveling at the number of paved trails snaking through the midst of neighborhoods that are a mystery until you're running down one of them wondering why in the world someone chose to put it here but it's oh so nice that they did.

Thank you for keeping my feet moving when I wanted to sit down and cry at mile five when that stupid, chipper MapMyRun lady came sparkling on through my headphones declaring that it was mile five and only mile five and that my knee was hurting and I was tired and the wind had just picked up slicing through layers that had moments before been toasty warm.

If you can be toasty warm when it's 30 degrees outside and you're feeling moronic enough to be running.

Thank you, body, for listening to my pleas and allowing me to finish the run and not collapse inside my doorway as we did two weeks ago. I appreciate that for sure. Thank you also for agreeing with me that the gentle "yoga for athletes" workout class we went to afterwards was an excellent idea and now our insides feel all sleepy and stretched.

Thank you for being there for me, through my ups and downs. For quietly staring me back in the mirror as I grouch and bemoan this curve, that wrinkle, this pooch and then give evidence to all our hard work and dedication to healing by solemnly showing me the muscles that curve my shoulders and arms as I reach for my towel, bringing me to realize that I've got it pretty good so shut up and love yourself.

We all deal with self-doubt, self-criticism, and punish ourselves with our inner demons, so thank you, body, for teaching me what it means to heal, to love, and to appreciate you -- even though I wasn't so thankful in the process, because let's be honest, the whole not walking thing really could have been skipped.

But thank you, body, for making my heart feel good because you helped me run eight miles. Thank you for being positive when the chips are down, and I feel like crawling into a hole. Thank you for reminding me that life is pretty damn good, and I'm a lucky girl for getting to appreciate it.


Saturday, November 9, 2013

Can't Wait

Good morning! How are you? Fine? Oh good, I was worried. I was hoping you weren't exhausted and brain dead and all those good things like me. Because it's 5 AM.

And I've been getting up at five AM the past week to try and finish this damn paper I'm trying to write.

Which clearly I'm not working on right now.

Because it's hard and it's early and well...I'm tired and can't do it anymore. The brain function simply isn't there.

But I get to relax soon. Just for a couple days. But I'm excited. I'm going home.

Is it weird that it's still "home" when very clearly it's not anymore? It's not even the house I grew up in. But it's where my mommy and daddy live and I'm excited to see them and wake up in the morning to my dad's pumpkin pancakes and go to bed full of whatever delicious food my mommy made...

I will have to work on this stupid paper while I'm there though. I was hoping I wouldn't. But it's much harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I'll get closer to finishing it while I'm there. When it's not so early. And when I haven't been waking up at 5AM to squeeze in time to work on it before work and working out.

I've been crashing hard at about 8:30 every's really sad. I go to bed really early now.

Oh well.

Hope your day starts later than mine.