Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Thank you for carrying me whining and bitching over eight miles today. Even though the first five were actually relatively quiet on that front as you and I were busy trying to figure out the twists and turns of the new route we were trying and marveling at the number of paved trails snaking through the midst of neighborhoods that are a mystery until you're running down one of them wondering why in the world someone chose to put it here but it's oh so nice that they did.

Thank you for keeping my feet moving when I wanted to sit down and cry at mile five when that stupid, chipper MapMyRun lady came sparkling on through my headphones declaring that it was mile five and only mile five and that my knee was hurting and I was tired and the wind had just picked up slicing through layers that had moments before been toasty warm.

If you can be toasty warm when it's 30 degrees outside and you're feeling moronic enough to be running.

Thank you, body, for listening to my pleas and allowing me to finish the run and not collapse inside my doorway as we did two weeks ago. I appreciate that for sure. Thank you also for agreeing with me that the gentle "yoga for athletes" workout class we went to afterwards was an excellent idea and now our insides feel all sleepy and stretched.

Thank you for being there for me, through my ups and downs. For quietly staring me back in the mirror as I grouch and bemoan this curve, that wrinkle, this pooch and then give evidence to all our hard work and dedication to healing by solemnly showing me the muscles that curve my shoulders and arms as I reach for my towel, bringing me to realize that I've got it pretty good so shut up and love yourself.

We all deal with self-doubt, self-criticism, and punish ourselves with our inner demons, so thank you, body, for teaching me what it means to heal, to love, and to appreciate you -- even though I wasn't so thankful in the process, because let's be honest, the whole not walking thing really could have been skipped.

But thank you, body, for making my heart feel good because you helped me run eight miles. Thank you for being positive when the chips are down, and I feel like crawling into a hole. Thank you for reminding me that life is pretty damn good, and I'm a lucky girl for getting to appreciate it.


Saturday, November 9, 2013

Can't Wait

Good morning! How are you? Fine? Oh good, I was worried. I was hoping you weren't exhausted and brain dead and all those good things like me. Because it's 5 AM.

And I've been getting up at five AM the past week to try and finish this damn paper I'm trying to write.

Which clearly I'm not working on right now.

Because it's hard and it's early and well...I'm tired and can't do it anymore. The brain function simply isn't there.

But I get to relax soon. Just for a couple days. But I'm excited. I'm going home.

Is it weird that it's still "home" when very clearly it's not anymore? It's not even the house I grew up in. But it's where my mommy and daddy live and I'm excited to see them and wake up in the morning to my dad's pumpkin pancakes and go to bed full of whatever delicious food my mommy made...

I will have to work on this stupid paper while I'm there though. I was hoping I wouldn't. But it's much harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I'll get closer to finishing it while I'm there. When it's not so early. And when I haven't been waking up at 5AM to squeeze in time to work on it before work and working out.

I've been crashing hard at about 8:30 every's really sad. I go to bed really early now.

Oh well.

Hope your day starts later than mine.


Friday, October 25, 2013

Will work for food

My husband will tell you that I eat pizza like it's my job. The last time we had pizza he asked with incredulity lifting his voice, "how many slices did you HAVE?" 

Around my mouthful of cheesy goodness I replied, "the right number..."

As we well know, I also bake a lot of cupcakes.

And y'all wonder why I run so darned much. It's so I can stay ahead of all the food I eat!

I baked these beauties yesterday...

Butterbeer cupcakes, appropriate for the witchy season and for the plethora of Harry Potter nerds in my life.

Recipe is from and is delicious! The addition of the soda into the batter makes the cake light and airy, the frosting isn't super heavy either and the ganache in the middle gives it just the right amount of gooey sweetness in the center.

Yum yum yum.

These got voted a top three favorite by my tasting team...two of them said number one :)

And husband already has tried wheedling the remainder for his lunch (there are eight left and he wants all of them...). Must be tasty!

Now I've gotta go run off the three I had yesterday!


Tuesday, October 8, 2013


In response to a blog of a friend's that I just read and in celebration of the first ten miles I ran since my injury that I ran last week, and my first 11 miler that I completed today, I would just like to say a few things about what I learned with my injury:

1. I learned that you can't keep me down. Unless it's really really bad, and then I still fight it and everyone yells at me.

2. I learned how to listen to my body.

3. I learned when to keep pushing and when to take a step back.

4. I learned what pain is just "whiny" pain and what pain is "okay, we need to stop right now" pain.

5. I learned to appreciate my body and everything it does from me.

I learned this the day that I sat at the back door in so much agony that I couldn't stand or walk, screaming at my four month old puppy because he stubbornly wanted to go out the front door to go potty and would not come to the scary crying lady so he could go out the back door to go potty.

It sometimes takes not being able to walk to appreciate every day that you're able to.

6. I learned to appreciate pain. Not in a scary, emo way, but in a "this was so much worse a year ago" way. Pain is simply my body letting me know, "Hey, yeah, so you over did things..."

7. I learned that I love running. I bitch and bitch and bitch about "having to go" but those months that I couldn't go? I craved it.

Today, I got to run with my puppy. He was such a good boy. He was off leash for the whole 11 miles, and didn't misbehave once. Well, maybe once. But there was a squirrel that literally jumped out of a bush in front of him...hard to blame him there.

8. I learned that I love my body. I love the muscles in it and the way my joints ache at the end of a big run. I love that it gets me from point A to point B with a minimum of fuss.

I love that today, my body let me go 11 miles.


Wednesday, September 25, 2013


We've been officially married for a month and a day!

I loved our wedding day. I wanna have another wedding it was that much fun.

Plus, I want to wear the dress again because it made me really really really happy.

It took Tyler exactly 16 days to break his ring.

It's a two-toned band, the yellow gold band came loose from the white gold and had to be re-soldered, and apparently its something than can happen easily if you fuss with it too much.

I'm still having an identity crisis from changing my name.

Its weird to have been one thing your whole life and suddenly go by something different. Especially as I didn't do any of this "gradual" crap. I did the changeover (for the most part) all in one day, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am! The Monday after the wedding I went to the courthouse to hand in our marriage license and get my certified copies, went to social security, DMV and the bank and changed everything over!

I love being married.

"Nothing's changed" as they say, but I feel more stable, and husband has this confidence that I've been seeing emerge the last nine months or so, kind of a sigh of relief and a straightening of his shoulders that says, "Aha! She's mine forever now! I can even hold her head under the covers when I fart and she won't leave me!"

Not that that's happened. But you can see he's thinking it.

And I love being married.


Sunday, September 22, 2013


I did it. I survived my third iPhone launch. Technically it's the fourth I've been through, but one was missed due to Nana's passing and the NWM. Which I was totally okay with. Missing it, I mean, not Nana passing.

I have not left the office earlier than 8PM since Thursday night, and we close at 7. Thursday we had to set up for the launch and I was there until 8:30 or so. Friday I arrived at 7:15AM and didn't leave til 8PM, sprinting around like a crazy person and selling my heart was actually invigorating.

Though try telling a normal looking woman with an iPhone-crazed look in her eye that, "Yes I know you've been waiting since 5AM, but we didn't get any gold iPhones and they are back ordered through November."

A person with good reflexes and street smarts needs to be prepared to duck in those situations. Never know what they might do.

Luckily the majority of people took the news with aplomb rather than screaming and either went with the "right now" option (Space Grey) or moved on. Only one or two screamed epithets and threatened to go to a different carrier.

I'm really not sure what the deal is with the gold ones. You put a case on the sucker and you can't see it anyways.

Yesterday was more hellish, because all the troubleshoots and bill questions that avoided coming in on Friday came in yesterday. I didn't get lunch until 6PM because the three hour waits that had existed on Friday perpetuated into yesterday and every time I went to the front to ask for a break I was met instead with, "So and so is the next customer, they've been waiting for an hour..." So I would race to the back room and scarf a cheese stick or a handful of goldfish crackers in between bouts of "okay, so which phone..." and "I'll go check on cases for you..."

All you can do with days like these is survive as best you can.

My back is killing me.

BUT I sold more phones than anyone in the store on Friday, with 6 new and 17 renewals. Second in the store for new, beat everyone out on renewals by about 7 devices, and was the only one to end the day with decent pull through, a metric that is calculated by how many new non-phone devices we sell versus new phone devices. I sold a home phone and an iPad of my six new lines, so my mix was right where they wanted it to be around 33%. Needless to say, it was nice to hear a few accolades yesterday before the shit hit the fan.

I promise, my next post will be less about phones and more about my life.

I got married, you know, and am now not technically kc anymore. I'm kb, but in light of the identity crisis of changing the name I've had for oh, almost 27 years, I'm gonna stick with kc. Husband still calls me that, so we'll go with it.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Bring Out Your Crazies

I'm not really sure what it is about cellphones in general, and iPhones in particular that make people especially crazy, hostile, and inane. Not insane, inane.

As many of you may know, Apple announced their new phones on the 10th, and one started preorder on Friday and they both officially launch this coming Friday. And tell you what, if I had a nickel for every crazy who has yelled at me for not having the iPhone 5S on preorder this week and a penny for every idiot who walked through the door demanding the new phone NOW...

Holy moly.

"That greeter girl at the front is LYING to people, you people better get your facts straight! She told me that the new iPhone isn't on preorder!"

"Well, ma'am, which iPhone were you looking for? Because if you were asking after the 5S that is correct, it is not on preorder. However, the 5C which is virtually identical to the 5 except in shiny polyurethane and color, is on preorder..."


"Well, can't we just set everything up and pay for everything so all I have to do is walk in on Friday and pick up the phones?"

"Sir, without a phone present I can't ring anything up and that particular model can't be ordered at this time. The 5S will be available on Friday and is a first-come, first-serve situation."

"That doesn't make any sense. I just want to give you money and start the account, why do you need the phones to do that? I don't want to have to get here at the crack of dawn like everyone else."

Hand to face.

iPhone people are their own extra-special breed. Especially as the new iPhone is really just a load of hype and not a lot of change.

Where's the "extended battery"? Oh? It lasts for ten hours you say? Oh wait, so did the 5. And the 4S. And the 4. Weird.

Oooh, they updated the camera and now it's better? So more megapixels? Nope, still 8, but they added an extra piece to the lens to add clarity. Huh. Isn't every other phone on the market at a 10 MP or better these days? It is? That's too bad, because clearly, the iPhone is better.

And why would they want to add NFC (near field communication) like every other phone on the market, which makes transferring of data easy and wireless without any setup? That's for the peasants.

Oh! Oh! But they did add this really cool security feature where you can use your fingerprint as your password! Never mind that it didn't fully make it through beta testing...

So I really want the "new" and "improved" iPhone, don't you?


Monday, July 22, 2013


It's been a while since I've gotten a "wow! Best girl ever!" from Tyler in regards to dinner...I've been a bit remiss in my Suzy Homemaker duties as well, I work a lot.

I did get one tonight though for the easiest peasiest meal ever (one of those classic what-do-we-have-in-the-fridge meals)...consisting of a broccoli, summer squash and halibut stir fry (leftovers and slowly wilting in the fridge), a cucumber, carrot and strawberry salad with fresh lettuce that my honey grew.

Delicious and unexpected for dinner! Hope the combo shows up in our fridge again because a little salt, pepper, sesame oil and balsamic vinegar really made the stir fry delicious.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

My life in cupcakes

Last month I made a lot of cupcakes...

I made oreo cupcakes...

I made Reese's cupcakes....

I made from-scratch Funfetti (recipe courtesy of Annie's Eats)...

And I made Fourth of July chocolate cupcakes...

Not to mention the chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes I made at the beginning of the month!

For Oreo and Reese's cupcakes, do a 6-minute chocolate cake recipe and break up Oreos and Reese's into each cupcake well. I used the whipped vanilla buttercream frosting found on Annie's Eats ( for the Oreo, with Oreo crumbs broken in. And then I made a chocolate/peanut butter frosting...mostly by winging it but with help from Google :)

Thankfully July had proven less butter-laden...


Tuesday, July 9, 2013


We're going to the courthouse today to get our marriage license! It's an interesting feeling because each day we march closer to the date, it becomes more and more real.

It's inexplicable really.

I've dreamed of marrying this goofy boy for so long I thought that it wouldn't "really" feel any different. But it does somehow. A happy twisting in my stomach that is a little bit nerves, a little bit excited and a lot bit of wonder.

Wonder at how this is changing me, changing us, in ways that I didn't foresee. Good ways for the most part. Well, not bad ways anyways. 

We've had a couple big fights but its over stuff that we really needed to work out and it's just finally coming out. It's like something is forcing it all out before the wedding to make sure we're ready. Not that I think we won't fight after the wedding, but we are getting stronger and stronger together and figuring out these new spaces.

Interestingly, he seems more confident, very assured of the world and very...stable. Not that he wasn't before so it's hard to explain, but he's got this aura of "this is finally how it's supposed to be" that's very interesting and reassuring.

I think you really have to go through it yourself before any of this would make any sense. Or maybe it's just me and I'm weird. Entirely possible.

Moral of this story is that it's a cool feeling. It makes me happy.


P.S. I love this posting from my phone business.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Love life

Sometimes, Tyler leaves me love notes. This was unexpected :)


Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Ocean

The only thing missing in Bend is my ocean. That place I've gone my whole life when the world is just overwhelming and life is boiling over and stressful... 

I used to drive to the closest beach, regardless of the weather (though fog was my favorite for this type of moment) and just sit in the sand, heedless of getting sand on my clothes or in my pockets, wrap my arms around my knees and just close my eyes and breathe. 

Something about chill, gritty sand under my feet and freezing Pacific Ocean water just calms my soul.

Today, completely by accident, I found my ocean here in landlocked Bend. 

I was going on my planned run (3 miles to the gym, work out there and then run straight back the 2.25 miles that the direct route is) and the weather today is that close, misty rain. 

With my bared legs slippery from sweat and raindrops, water dripping from the brim of my ball cap, and the sky close to the ground and soothing grey, it felt like I was running at home...and I found myself turning down side streets and extending my run just to stay in the weather with my thoughts, and peacefulness and...

Well, clearly I sound a little crazy, but I'm more relaxed today than I have been in weeks. I found my ocean. 

And I ran seven miles.

What did you do today?


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Cupcakes in the Wonderful

On my walk with my sister yesterday morning, across the continent and several time zones, in which I am walking the puppy and she is secure in her Boston apartment with her dachshund and we are chatting on the phone, she informed me about a new cupcake recipe she was trying.

I was intrigued.

Cookie dough cupcakes? Those sound like two extremely delicious things in one...kind of a two-for-one situation.

I like those situations.

She got her recipe from Annie's Eats blog, and boy...there's a lot of butter in those suckers. The original recipe calls for THREE STICKS in the cupcakes alone! That's a cup and a half of butter! Wowza!

I substituted 1/2 cup of all natural, no-sugar added applesauce for one of those sticks, and the result still tasted damn delicious. I'm thinking it changed the texture slightly, but as me personally doesn't mind a little oddness -- and our guests for the evening, their toddler, and my Tyler didnt seem to mind either -- I'd rather go for a little more healthy! Especially considering how much butter was in everything else....

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcakes
recipe courtesy of Annie's

for the cupcakes...
3 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature (I used 2 sticks, and 1/2 cup applesauce)
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
4 large eggs
2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips (semi sweet or bittersweet)

for the filling...
4 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
6 tbsp. light brown sugar, packed
1 cup plus 2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
7 oz. sweetened condensed milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/4 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips 

for the frosting...
2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed
2 1/3 cups confectioners' sugar
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. milk
2 tsp. vanilla

for the cupcakes
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line two cupcake pans with paper liners (24 total). Combine butter and brown sugar with a mixer. Beat on med-high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Mix in eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a medium bowl. Stir together to blend. Add dry ingredients to mixer bowl on low speed, alternating with the milk, mixing each addition until just incorporated. Blend in the vanilla. Fold in the chocolate chips with a spatula.

Divide the batter evenly between the prepared cupcake liners. Bake for 18 - 20 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for 5 - 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

for the filling...
Combine the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl and cream on med-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Beat in the flour, sweetened condensed milk and vanilla until incorporated and smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until the mixture firmed up a bit, about an hour.

To fill the cupcakes, cut a cone-shaped portion out of the center of each cupcake. Fill each hole with a chunk of the chilled cookie dough mixture.

for the frosting...
Beat together the butter and brown sugar. Mix in the confectioners sugar until smooth. Beat in the flour and salt. Mix in the milk and vanilla extract until smooth and well-blended. Frost as desired, sprinkling with mini chocolate chips for decoration.



Friday, June 14, 2013


Once upon a time, when Banyan was really little, he had lots of toys. Their numbers have dwindled as he's gotten larger and a bit more destructive (baby teeth don't make a lot of headway), and been replaced.

One toy we had a hard time taking away, even once it was beyond just a carcass was his eight inch plush toy with buggy eyes in the shape of that bloodsucking insect.

Maybe it was the legs, maybe it was the texture, but he was pretty upset about tick being shredded and he loved carrying around the dismembered legs...that put one in mind of severed gross...

Luckily, I believe in online shopping...and if a dog's day could be made, I made it.

Tick II was as well received as the original, an eyeball quickly removed and stuffing littering the floor.

All in all, totally worth it to make my puppy the happiest one (for the moment).


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Blogging Made Easy

Did you know that Blogger now has an app for the iPhone? That makes it way easy to upload stuff?

Theoretically I'll be blogging more.

I'll let you know.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Some kind of woman

You all know me...I'm an artist, I have an odd relationship with books, I cook here and there, I make at least a pretense at being a serious badass about running...

Something you may not know is my penchant for sweatpants.

I have returned jeans in order to afford sweatpants.

If I had a penny for every time my dear devoted man asked me, "So are you gonna put real clothes on today?" and I looked at him guiltlessly and replied, "what's wrong with sweats?" ...well, I would probably have at least five bucks by now.

So when I hopped in the car and drove to Portland last night for a work training this morning, and I realized at about 2 hours in that I forgot sweatpants for the evening and my drive home, I was positively giddy with excitement over the prospect of new sweatpants. I grabbed dinner to go at Cheesecake Factory in Washington Square Mall and practically skipped down to The Gap where I proceeded to luxuriate in the fact that I had a reason to buy the summer weight version of my all time favorite sweatpants EVER.

Luckily, Tyler knows the kind of woman he's marrying.

He's a very lucky man though, because not only am I a sweatpants girl, but I'm the type of woman who when presented with a coupon the next day (this morning) I take my frugal butt back to the store in order to get my 40% off my new sweatpants.

I may be a sweatpants kind of girl, but I'm also a smart sweatpants shopper.

Sweatpants are sexy, right?


Saturday, June 1, 2013


I'm sure that you guys are tired of hearing about running, and my back, and how hard it is to be patient and heal and all that good stuff. But tough stuff, you get to hear more about it.

As I was running my fastest time yet since I've been healing (5.29 miles in 52:23 if you must know), and without stopping no less, I had time to think about where I was a couple months ago versus where I am now and how I really have never felt so blessed to be able to move.

Am I 100%? No. Am I close? Or at least a huge leap forward compared to where I was? Yes.

My new running buddy, Bethany, and I ran last Sunday and it was miserable. I ached from workouts the day before, my hamstrings were tight, we were parched, the universe felt against us for that run. When we finished, I cut myself off mid-complaint when I looked at my Garmin and realized, "Hey, we did three miles in 33 minutes...while that's not breaking any records, in March it was taking me 40 minutes to do 2.5 miles."

Returning to running has been so arduous, because like any patient, I don't want to be patient and wait and work slowly through the pain and listen to my body and what its telling me and actually stopping when it says stop rather than going and pushing on like the athlete in me instinctively demands. Tell you what, I've never felt quite so in tune with myself. It's...odd.

Many young stupid runners will tell you that when their body hurts, they push through the pain. Heck, many athletes will tell you that. Those who have been injured occasionally will say, yes, push through, but once you reach that point, stop. I only listened to my body when something was blindingly obvious and simply screeching for my attention, so trying to focus on what my back muscles are doing while I'm running is very counter-intuitive to me. It's a conscious effort, and a constant one.

The stopping bit is hard too...that's why I'm not really supposed to run by myself, because I tend to forget to stop. Because an extra 400 meters won't kill anything will it? And that's where I get into trouble, because it is always that "extra little bit" that exacts the most punishment...

But I'm getting better, and healing, and it's wonderful.

And I couldn't have done it without the whole "team" I've had this time, between my doctor and my PT and my trainer, not to mention my running buddy and my co-workers who inspire me and yell at me, and my friends who tell me about their mileage and make me go !! I want that again!!!

Slow and steady wins the race, and if I'm a little tight this morning, it's no where near the agony I used to have — even heavily medicated...

I'm getting there. Getting better.

I'm healing.


Thursday, May 9, 2013

Hey Girl

So recently I've got to do some fun assembling wedding invitations. Talk about a lot of work! I am very pleased with that particular project, but that's not what I want to tell you about.

I made little goodie bags for the girls who are able to come with me to my bachelorette...I don't think any of them read this, so I should be all right. If they do, well...maybe they'll forget?

I got this new stamp set that I just adore adore only complaint is I'd like there to be multiples of each letter...I really need several stamp sets! It's problematic. As my sister would say, "First world problems..."

Anyways. It's fun because you can make up whatever you want to say. So I did.

If any of you have seen the Ryan Gosling photobomb explosion on the internet, you'll understand. But just in case you didn't...

So this is what I did :)

Which makes sense because it's for a bachelorette party right? And my wonderful girlfriend, Erika (who happens to be a bridesmaid) told me, "Don't worry, the whole thing is going to be really classy...until it's not..." So that particular theme has been running through my head for weeks now.

Anyways, this is the end result for the goodie cute! A little bubble bath from Philosophy appropriately named "Margarita," some lip gloss and hand sanitizer!

Any projects you've been working on lately?


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Big Word Wednesday: Blithe

With the summer sunshine peeking through this early in the season (Bend's normal summer is late June through September...the first year we were here Mt. Bachelor had enough snow at 4th of July to open for the day) but we've been having 70s and gorgeous the past couple weeks and I've been happy and blithe.

What's that you say? Blithe? Why yes, it is a big word! Welcome back to Big Word Wednesdays!

blithe. adjective. [blahyth]. joyus, merry, or gay in disposition; glad; cheerful. without thought or regard; carefree; heedless.
  • Everyone loved her blithe spirit.
  • A blithe indifference to anyone's feelings

Monday, May 6, 2013

Catching up

It's been so long since I've blogged. Part of the issue is that every time I sit down to do so I'm overwhelmed by everything that's happened in the last couple months that I haven't kept track of for you. So we're going to do a quick recap and move on:

1. My back is doing much better. I clocked 3.5 miles (my record so far since last August) on Friday night. I was a little wrecked this weekend from pushing more than I should have, but considering two Aleve last night was all it took for the whole weekend to clear up I'm feeling like that's progress. It's my goal to do a 10k in July.

2. I'm losing bridesmaids like flies...not losing per say, but my sister has had hip surgery, my dear dear friend Siobhan suffered an injury that she's in the process of recovering from, and my lovely friend Heather is so swamped and overwhelmed with moving and her new job (thanks to her militarily inclined hubby) that we're not sure if she can even come to the wedding! That leaves me two...but the two still standing are rock solid and have been such a huge huge help with getting me through those stresses in addition to everything else in my life that involves WEDDING stuff.

3. Alterations on the dress, fittings, shoe crises, etc. Done.

4. Trying to maintain my weight! You don't pay that much money to have the damn thing altered only to lose/gain lots of weight! We're redistributing right scale hasn't budged in weeks (except on the occasional bloated day) but the girls at work say I keep looking skinnier...gotta love getting back into shape.

5. I was in shape you say? Sure, before six months of non-workouts made my skin loose and my muscles melt away. Now we're entering my eighth week of being brutalized (sorta) by my wonderful wonderful trainer (who works closely with my physical therapist!) and I have biceps. I've never had biceps before! Quads, definitely, calves, sure, glutes, absolutely. But we're talking to a girl who shuns arm workouts because they make her bored! Nothing like paying someone to make you do something to make you do something :) Last week I leg pressed 170 lbs. 30 times. Don't even get me started on what she makes me do for my arms.

6. Bridal shower been and gone, wonderful, beautiful, fun. So wonderful to see the lovely women in my life come celebrate with me! So much fun...especially being the bride! I have the bestest ever godmother and other-mother. They are so good to me!

7. Planning for bachelorette in full swing...ten days until we go! So excited.

8. I'm sure there's more but I can't think of anything. SO. That's it, quick recap.

More next time!


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Running Again

I'm not going to talk about shoes this time. Though I found them (thank God) and am sleeping again until the next crisis hits.

Well, not wedding shoes anyways.

I don't know that I've ever truly considered myself a runner. But when I sit and think about it, the days I'm antsy, like this morning when I was driving to the gym and going over the bridge that spans the Deschutes River and seeing the winter sunlight sparkle like it wanted to be 80 degrees outside, lighting the dirt paths and limning the trees and water with unreal light...all I wanted to do was hit the road, feet running, lungs breaking, with that big, fat, I'm-going-to-die-and-it-feels-so-good grin on my face that I get when my lungs first suck in that breath of 27 degree air and I don't care because the sun is so beautiful and the trail is under my shoes and it just feels right...

All I think about is running when I'm antsy.

Running isn't about looking good (like I say) or eating what I want (which I do) or losing weight or anything it's just about running.

The creak of my knees as they top an impossible hill, the scream of my quads as the pull me through the mileage, the ache of my lungs as they strain for yet another breath of unreachable air...

It's brutal, it's masochistic...

It's meditative, it's calming...

I want to move.

I want to look behind me at the road and know that I conquered it.

I want to walk with the lightness in my step that only comes from knowing that my heart gave me six miles or more in the morning and is going to do it again tomorrow.

I'm not fast, I'm not hardcore, and I never believed I was a runner. I never believed that it was a word that truly defined me.

Unfortunately, these things have a tendency to sneak up on you.

So this morning when the only thing I wanted to do was run my heart out, and the only thing I was allowed to do was two little miles for thirty short minutes alternating walking and running on a safe, flat treadmill...I was still glad. I am still elated. Because my body won't let me down if I don't let it down.

And this fact snuck up on me and smacked me in the face:

I'm a runner.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Great Shoe Crisis

Weddings are stressful. Did anyone know that? When we first started planning the wedding, someone told us, "Weddings take as much time to plan as you have." Which is ultimately true. If you have two months, you cram it in within those two months and if things are forgotten, whatever. If you have fifteen months (like us) it takes fifteen months.

With my two back can't-work-must-be-horizontal incidents, I got a lot of planning done. A LOT of planning done.

Caterer booked, location booked, DJ booked, photographer booked (twice...don't even get me started on flaky photographers), you know...everything that seemed...well, important.

I got the dress (very critical), started registering, designed the invites and the save the dates.

All in all, I felt very confident in where we were in the planning. Like it was hurry up and wait time.

However, as we're approaching the 6 month mark, little things start encroaching on the peaceful "I'm all planned, I have nothing left to do but sit around and wait until the big day." Like, where is the wedding party going to stay? Who is going to pick up the groomsmen's outfits suits? What kind of signs do I want?

Holy crap.

At least I am pretty solid on the big details. And the things I absolutely, 100% do. not. want. Like a unity candle. Or a unity sandbox. Or anything with the word unity that just serves to make my ceremony arduous for those who have to sit in 80 degree heat and watch us do it while I roast in 30 lbs. of raw silk.

Speaking of raw silk, I got to put my dress on the other day. I had my first fitting. Small crisis developed there...

Not with the dress, it's still gorgeous and I neverevereverevereverever want to take it off and I almost cried when I had to leave it with the seamstress.

A shoe crisis.

Because I went a little itty bit over budget on my dress, I was going to be a responsible girl and wear these gorgeous shoes that I had already paid a good deal of money (for me) for. I knew they were comfortable and I thought they would be fine. These beautiful wedges...

Small problem, they don't match. Granted, no one will see them really, but they just...don't. The nude is just this side of the wrong shade and those lovely gems aren't as silver as they look in the picture. They're really more of a pewter. Which would be fine, except the detailing on my dress is decidedly silver.

So they day before my fitting, I ran around Bend to the very limited shoe selection to try and find shoes that would be (a) remotely comfortable and (b) match. We thought we had one pair, but while wearing them for the fifteen minutes the semi-bossy, very chatty Russian seamstress was fitting me in my dress, my feet fell asleep. So no good.

After the same semi-bossy, very chatty Russian seamstress (who is apparently the very best in town and the only one you should trust with your very expensive wedding dress), vainly tried convincing me into platform flip flops for my wedding (oh hell no...), and kept telling me that I should try to find shoes that would avoid having to hem the 6 layers of my dress (only $200 right there), the hunt was on.

I'd been eyeing these almost from day one of the bridesmaid shoe-hunt and so I purchased them from (Free overnight shipping and free returns!)

Small problem here: I put them on, and not only were they exceedingly tall, but my feet started aching the second I put them on. No go. Sigh.

Next runner up were these pretty shoes...

Lovely, pointy and elegant. Unfortunately, I'm looking for a shoe I can wear most of the night, and while one hour in them was not the end of the world, some pinching was starting to happen about then.

Now, oddly, Tyler really wants me to avoid wedges. I don't think he realizes what's involved with walking on grass/taking photos in a forest with heels. Granted, I'm doing that to my bridesmaids, but I'm expecting that they'll take off their shoes shortly after the ceremony. I would like shoes that I don't have to try to remove when my feet start hurting. I would like to be able to wear them for 80 - 90 % of the day. Because it's damned hard to get around 30 lbs. of dress, especially to take shoes off.

These are coming in the mail in two colors, a nude and this blue. Blue isn't in my color scheme, but these are actually a quite lovely shade of greyish, earthy blue in real life...maybe my something blue! We'll see how they go...if not, free returns!

In the end, I may just end up with shoes that don't match the dress, which ultimately is all right since I won't end up seeing my feet that day anyways, but it's fun to try. I'll let you know what the verdict is.


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Looking Back

I can't believe it's almost been a month since my last post. I am so sorry. A lot has happened in that 30 days!

1. The holidays:

The holidays were a blur. Mostly because when you cram 7 people, two dogs and a cat into one small home, things get blurry. Partly because you're mentally blocking out the whirlwind of mess, stuff, and food that explodes out of every available nook and cranny onto every available surface and party because that many creatures in one home is quite overwhelming!

Christmas was wonderful though, having all of my family with me was so wonderful.  I do not say this enough: I love my family.

From left to right: Scott (sister's boyfriend), Laurel (sister), Aunt Betsy, Dad, Mom, Me, Tyler (mine!)
2. Reinjury:

Another factor to why the holidays were a blur is that on Christmas Eve, I slipped and fell in the parking lot at work, and in twisting to rescue my brain from the corner of the curb, my back went "pop"! Resetting all of my wonderful healing progress back to negative square one. Huzzah!

It sucks. I am so. Done. With. This.

I attempted to work that Thursday after Christmas, hoping the two and a half days of crowded "rest" I got were enough.

They weren't.

I've been out on leave ever since. The only good news is that I still don't need surgery. The bad news is I get to start all over again in that stupid healing process and dealing with MetLife and worker's comp and all that fun stuff. Ugh.

The only thing worse than the pain is dealing with the corporate bureaucracy that is medical coverage and leave. SUCK is what it is. Oh well, at least I know what I'm doing this time around (sort of). And my doctor told me I was the first person she's seen in a while that actually wanted to go back to work. Maybe something to do with the fact that I just did this and it sucks and its boring and I hate it and it hurts and I never want to deal with this again...

3. Wedding rings:

We bought our wedding rings! So fun. So exciting. I can't wait to marry this man of mine. He's pretty stinkin' wonderful.

4. Resolutions:

To be honest, my only resolution this year is that I'm going to run a half marathon. Period. End of story. I'm tired of being injured, I'm tired of hurting. I miss running. I miss it so so much. So, I'm going to do everything in my power to heal and get back on the road in my running shoes.

BUT, I did have a nice reflection over the success of my resolutions last year.

Let me remind you:

1. Bake more/cook more.

2. Blog more.

3. Exercise and Get In Shape.

Now, as for the first one, I did do that in fits and spurts. But it happened. Not as much as it should have, but it did.

Number two was also quite successful. In 2012, I did a whopping 102 blog posts, compared to 2011's 62! Even with the new addition to our family and my injury, I managed to churn out 40 more blog posts than the previous year. Hopefully I can keep that up, though it's already not looking great :)

The third resolution I made last year was by far the most successful. Now, here's where we get down and dirty and talk about WEIGHT. If you don't like the subject, I'd recommend you stop reading right now.

The thing you must know about me is that I have never been bashful about admitting my weight. I might not be happy about it, I might not like it, but I will openly admit it. Because no one is perfect, and everyone is different, so just because a certain weight suits my body, doesn't mean it suits yours. Please, keep that in mind. That's my disclaimer.

In January 2012, I weighed in at 153 lbs. I cried. I climbed into my swimsuit for my family vacation to Mexico and cried. Now, I will be honest: I was not fat by many people's standards.  I was definitely rounder than I would have liked, and unhappy with the way I looked, and definitely stretching it on the "healthy weight" chart for my height. But again, weight is an individual struggle. I cannot stress enough that every body and every person is different, and no one should judge themselves by me or anyone else, simply by themselves.

Regardless, 153 was the most I've weighed, even in my most "fat" moments, I had never been quite that. I did some research, and set some reasonable goals. Healthy weight loss means 1 lb. per week, because healthy weight loss is also about maintenance. If you crash diet, you'll gain it right back.

I also set reasonable expectations for myself. I was honest with how much I would work out and realistic about probable re-gain after I stopped "dieting."

My goal was 20 lbs in 5 months. A little less than a pound a week.

I'm not going to lie. It was really really hard. I am 100% a food-oriented person. I am a stress eater, I am a boredom eater. I like food. Luckily, I like healthy food. I mean, I love me my sugar, but I really really like broccoli. And apples. And bean and cheese burritos. And salad with just lettuce and Bernstien's Restaurant Italian dressing.

I used an app called MyFitnessPal which works on my phone and my iPad and my computer, so I never had an excuse for not recording what I ate. And often, I'd record it before it even went in my mouth. It was eye opening.

I would reason with myself, "I can have this bag of M&M's now, or after dinner, I can have my half cup of Chocolate Mint Chip ice cream." And it worked. Prioritizing what I actually wanted to eat worked really well. Also, eating slowly. Putting my fork down after each bite, and cutting things (like apples) into small pieces to force myself to consume them less quickly. Did you know that it takes 30 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that you're full? And that the average recommended portion size is half of what we usually serve ourselves?

Try it. Weigh your food. You'll be hungry for the first couple days, and then you become acclimated to actual portion sizes, and you'll be satisfied. I'm not as neurotic about it as that sounds, but I discovered that I could still consume enough nutritional calories to stay healthy without overeating. And that was the biggest struggle, not recording my food, not watching the calorie intake, but putting my fork down when I was satisfied.

I still ate what I wanted. I drank beer, ate ice cream, had cookies. I did start drinking less juice, because I noticed that 150 calories is quite a lot of satisfying food and in many juices, there's 150 calories in an 8 oz. glass. That's 2.5 apples. Frankly, I'd rather eat the 2.5 apples and feel full than drink the 8 oz. glass of juice and still be hungry.

The other thing that worked for me was that the app would calculate exercise as negative calories, which means that if you run more you can eat more.  There were a couple evenings that I ran an extra mile so we could go have Chinese food, or so I could have my 150 calorie glass of wine.

Anyways. I succeeded. At my lowest weight, I was 132.5 lbs., though I didn't hit that til late June (6 months). I have bounced back up a little bit, and am at 138, but I expected that — I factored that in. I've been maintaining at that weight and I'm satisfied with it. Is it the thinnest I've ever been? No, most certainly not. Am I honestly, 100% happy with my body each and every day? No. But that wasn't my expectation.

I am proud of my accomplishment, I learned new things about eating habits that have for the most part, stuck with me. Do I still overeat at times? Yes, old habits die hard. But I got to watch my body go through a noticeable transformation. Did everyone notice? No. My family didn't notice when they saw me at the end of May, but more people did than I expected.

Tyler didn't notice either, but then, he lives with me and by default he pretty much thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.

Most importantly though, I noticed. When I went to the gym, I saw it in my butt and in my shoulders. I saw it in my face and in the way my watch fit on my wrist. I saw it in the way my workout clothes fit me and in the way my pants went from snug to comfortable to baggy.

I'm done talking about weight and food and such now. I can't guarantee that I won't talk about it again, but for now I'm done. It's a sensitive subject, and if any offense came from this, I promise you, none was intended. I simply wanted to share my journey and my personal success and my personal pride.

Hopefully your resolutions were successful in 2012, but even if they weren't, the good news it's a new year and you can try again!