Since January

So I'm pretty sure this has officially been the longest hiatus from blogging that I've ever done. And for that, I'm sorry.

Not that more than one or two people read my words or look at what I've said, but still. Sorry.

It's been a long six months.

I was diagnosed with a thyroid autoimmune disorder Hashimodo's in February, and the exhaustion, stress, and subsequent doctor's visits with that have made the very-real fatigue symptom that accompanies this disorder that much harder.

I finally said, "Uncle" with my job at the vineyard, which while I was loving the work, was eating me alive. Since leaving, that position has been split into two full time positions, rather than just one person that it had been (me). Granted, I had been lobbying for that second body since about January, having recognized the need, and my boss had finally found someone she felt was qualified who was interested in the position the week before I put in my notice, but still. That tells you how much I was working! Don't get me wrong though, I loved the job, but when I was offered a job at a local distillery, 30 minutes closer to home, with better pay, I couldn't help but say yes.

And running.

Oh the angst.

You would think that I would have learned to be kinder to myself with the back injury situation and subsequent recovery time. Remember all of those flowery posts about how wonderful it was to be able to run at all?

Ha.

Back to the mindset of "if I'm not doing it all, I'm failing at life."

A friend recently suggested that I work on changing my frame of mind. Instead of mentally berating myself, and/or having to grant myself "permission" to take a day off from go-go-go, I should instead celebrate what I did manage to get done.

For example: on Wednesday, my back was acting up and I was just tired. We had been in California for my sister's wedding for a week, with much travel involved, as we had done a quick trip to SF for a Giants game before heading up the coast to Arcata. We drove back late Sunday night and then I worked (hard) all day Monday and Tuesday. So Wednesday, I was justifiably tired. So I gave myself "permission" to skip my run that day, and then mentally agonized and felt guilty all day at how slothful and lazy I was and should have just gone.

Except I still managed to walk the dog. Go grocery shopping. Finish the laundry. Contact several clients and finish sketches for several contracts for Chalked. Mow the lawn. Clean the house.

I wasn't exactly lying around.

I'm sure exercise guilt is a cultural phenomenon, especially with the rise of "fitspiration," crossfit, and paleo. But I didn't realize how bad it had gotten in myself until my friend pointed it out.

"You had a full, productive day, and on top of your thyroid issues, travel-weariness and general 'it's my weekend' mode, you still managed to get a bunch of physical stuff done. There's nothing you should be 'giving yourself a break' about. Instead, recognize that it's okay to take a day off from running and working out if you're legitimately tired and recognize that you still managed to do all of these other things. Hell, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is a victory."

So now I am going to try to focus - and use this blog to help me focus - on the things I've accomplished. Including exercise, eating, my business, etc. But even on the days where I should get a standing ovation for making it out of bed, I will make an effort to recognize that.

Wish me luck.

Ciao,
kc