Losing Ground

The nature of life is to be touched at times by sadness, loss and most poignantly, death. Those we lose in life do not necessarily grieve for their own loss as much as those who they leave behind grieve. I say this because my dear dear friend passed yesterday morning after a long battle with leukemia that began two years ago.

I was emailing with him about a month ago when he told me of his decision to not accept further treatments, as they were no longer helping. At that time he told me something along the lines of how he had chosen to put his faith in God to either see him through or take him home and that he was at peace with whatever may happen. It is times like these where I think any of us with true human hearts search them for the expression of God and wonder and rage at why such a God would choose to visit such a hard disease on such a wonderful person. So when he told me that, I was not at peace. I was sad, angry and very much cynical.

I am still cynical, though my grief today is tempered with the knowledge that while his ending was somewhat unexpected (he developed an aggressive infection that gave way to pneumonia, which his body just couldn't handle) and was by no means easy to watch for his family and the friends who were with him, it was Daniel's choice and he was at peace with his probable death long before any of us who loved him were.

Daniel was one of the first people I met at college, and with all the care and good-heartedness in him, he invited me to go salsa dancing lessons with him and some friends. Daniel and I had many great conversations over the years, about life, love, politics, religion, and the wonder of the world -- as well as about more trivial life-courses like school, friends, and run-of-the-mill drama. Through it all, he was a steadfast, loyal friend to me and to anyone else he met. He was genuine, good-hearted and wonderful.

There was one night my fourth year of college, when I was in one of my bouts of relentless tonsillitis that I suffered that year where all of my roommates were out of town or gone for the night for one reason or another and I was just so sick, and so alone that he valiantly offered to stay with me in a sleeping bag on my couch, just so that I would know that I wasn't alone if I needed someone. It was just one example of how caring a person he was.

He got me a job with his dad's printing company the summer after my third year of college. I ended up leaving after only about a month of employment, which both he and his father forgave me for.

He and a friend made my hometown a stop on their motorcycle trip to spend two nights and days with my family. I had to work while he was there and he hung out with my parents and my aunt and my sister and took in my hometown with them.  Such a great guy.

When we lost Daniel yesterday morning, the world lost one of its finest people. It's very sad, but its also a good feeling to know that after two years of hardship and suffering that he endured with grace, optimism, and strength he is finally at peace.

Choose today, tomorrow, and forever to celebrate life and take joy in the little things for those who no longer can. I will always keep him fondly in my memory. Saying "he was a great guy" just doesn't do him justice.

Ciao,
kc